Stupid ME!!

The title pretty much sums it up, stupid me!! Why, oh why have I compromised on what I've been eating? I'm a bit mad at myself right now!

I know how my body responded so wonderfully to going RAW. I went from not walking to walking in a matter of a week after I went RAW. I have let the holidays, moving, and visiting friends and family become an excuse for me to slip off the diet. Well, I'm starting to pay for it! Last night was the clincher for me as I ate two pieces of bread (although yummy and homemade) and a small glass of milk. I was up a lot of the night itching all over my body and this morning I am in a lot of pain. Not the pain from shoveling the driveway or walking to much. Body pain that feels like my muscles are ripping away from my bones, and joint pain that makes me want to just curl up in a bath of hot water and cry. For those of you I told about naming my demon (fibromylagia) I named it the Ripper for good reason. Well, the Ripper is back and I need to give it a swift kick in the backside and keep it away.

For others going RAW and fudging here and there, it probably means an upset stomach for a day or so. But for someone who has fibro and fudges on what they eat, it means pain. Why oh why did I let myself slide? By the way I just dumped out what was left of my coffee!! Oh and that Chai Tea mix is sooooo good, but I'll have to stop that too.

Thanks Mom for the cook book with wheat/gluten, dairy, egg, and sugar free recipes. I'll be using it a lot.

Hailey is also having some issues we are trying to get to the bottom of, and she's going in today to get allergy tested for foods, so hopefully we can help her feel better and have less stomach pain. Poor thing!

Enough complaining for me! Back on the RAW bandwagon! My goal is 80% so it leaves some room for some cooked foods. But NO sugar, refined flours, meat (maybe a very small amount of wild game every once and awhile), canned foods with preservatives, etc.

Happy New Years to ALL!!

December Snow! and more to come

The two pictures are from at the farm. The first one is looking out the front livingroom window (the kids are in there somewhere) and the second picture is of the guys cutting down the '08 Christmas tree. I need to get a picture of it all set up in the living room now.

Well.... we've finally had our first snow, not to mention an extra week added to our already two week Christmas vacation. The snow has been wonderful, although I haven't been able to get out and play in it. I don't know if I did too much or if it's just the weather change and coldness, but my body hasn't been liking something I've been doing. I do need to get back to eating mostly RAW, it makes a big difference, but I've been slacking big time do to convienience and holiday sweets.

Mom (GRammy) and Grandpa Les came out from Montana last weekend and we went out and got a Christmas tree up at the farm we are now living on. We had a wonderful time together and they left before the winter storm blew in.

I know, I need to get more pictures and more writing on the blog. They'll come eventually. Life has been a bit on the crazy side as of lately. But GOOD!

Take care, and have a wonderful Chiristmas!!!

Mid December up-date

If some of you haven't heard from me in awhile, there's good reasons, really.
Moving has of course been going slowly.

Last Saturday I was pacing myself, but I still over did it. By Saturday afternoon I could hardly walk or function. Sunday I rested a lot. Monday I went to work, but only made it half the day and struggled to drive home. Then on top of all that Will came down with a horrible cold, possibly step throat. Monday he was home for half the day, and stayed home on Tuesday, Wed and now Thursday. He's finally going into the doctors today.

And the way my body is I just can't deal as well with broken up sleep or not enough sleep. So the last few days have been tough. Will's coughing wakes me up, since I sleep so lightly now, plus we're all sleeping in the same room.

So this whole week has been quite a struggle for me. And this month I have a deadline for the grant I work under, AND they just appointed me and one other person the team leaders for the Shelton School District for a pilot project called Breakthrough Action Team. It's s an early warning system used to find students that are a concern for dropping out of school. We have to figure it out, put it to use, track the interventions, and smooth out the kinks before it goes before the WA State Legislator. And if it goes into effect it will be a mandated system used in all schools in WA state.

Busy! An understatment! Oh yeah, then there is the holidays with all the social events for clubs, work, etc, shopping, visiting.

Can you tell I'm tired?

Merry Christmas, in case I don't get a chance to blog soon.

CFS Fibromyalgia and Low Cortisol

This is from http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art45203.asp


For more than ten years, researchers studying Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and Fibromyalgia Syndrome, have conducted studies in regard to adrenal function in patients with these syndromes and have concluded that patients are found to be experiencing “low adrenal function" as one of the features of these syndromes. This co-existing condition is also called “adrenal fatigue", “adrenal exhaustion" and “low adrenal reserve". Reputable medical sources also state that patients with Thyroid Disease are at more risk than the general population, for also having co-existing CFS and/or Fibromyalgia.

Through testing of a patient’s adrenal hormones, it can be determined if that person has low-functioning adrenals. In addition to blood testing, saliva tests are also accurate for testing the “free levels" of the adrenal hormones, the main ones being DHEA and cortisol. A “24 hour urinary cortisol test", can also be done, to test adrenal-cortisol levels.

Another major adrenal function blood test is also available, called the “ACTH Stimulation Test". This one is designed to confirm or rule out true “adrenal insufficiency" (full blown). Most CFS and Fibromyalgia patients do not have true, full blown adrenal insufficiency but a milder form of adrenal fatigue/exhaustion.

Research conclusions by major Medical Research groups, including the NIH, state that low cortical levels, are found to be a contributing factor in CFS/FMS, due to dysfunction of the HPA Axis (Hypothalamus-Pituitary-Adrenal Axis). It is my opinion because of this, that CFS/FMS has as one of its features, a form of adrenal fatigue, that does not meet the definition for true “adrenal insufficiency" and because of this, it cannot be medically treated the same. With full blown Adrenal Insufficiency, the low adrenal hormones must be replaced through steroid treatment (cortisone-steroid/hydrocortisone). With lesser forms of low adrenal function, such as adrenal fatigue, steroid treatment can possibly worsen the adrenal problem because the steroids may cause “adrenal suppression", which means the patient may have to take the steroids, the rest of their life because anything less than very short-term use of the steroids, can cause this suppression.

This milder form of low adrenal function, many times is treated with supplements such as DHEA, Adrenal Glandulars and multi-vitamins that contain those that help boost adrenal function, as well as B-12 shots. These are all over-the-counter supplements, with the exception of B-12 shots but you can also get B-12 in oral form that is over-the-counter. All of these supplements have been found to be helpful in resolving adrenal fatigue conditions.

Some of the other things Medical Researchers have studied in regard to CFS and Fibromyalgia, is the fact that these syndromes can have different triggers for different patients but with many, it is an underlying viral, autoimmune, bacterial etc…, type infection in the body, that causes chronic activation of the immune system and over time, this uses up some of the adrenal reserves because the adrenals have a major role in releasing cortisol, the body’s natural anti-inflammatory, attempting to ward off inflammation. Cortisol (also called “cortical"), is also the “stress hormone", that helps the body to deal with stresses of all kinds, without it, even the smallest stressor would cause shock and death (adrenal crises). It, along with adrenaline, are “fight or flight" hormones and help protect the body from the effects of stress, from minor emotional stress, to major ones, such as a car accident or serious disease.

This in my opinion is why persons with CFS/FMS have such low tolerance for stressors both emotional and physical. With low adrenal function, even mild emotional and physical stressors result in major fatigue, couple this with the immune system dysfunction that CFS/FMS patients also have and you have syndromes with serious symptoms! It may be that the immune deficiency found in both CFS and Fibromyalgia is also a type of burn-out of that system, due to constant, ongoing activation of it, that the body eventually loses the ability to continue.

As with all other opinions about CFS and Fibromyalgia, we have to consider all of the above, as some of the many theories that are out there however, I feel the evidence of low adrenal function in CFS and Fibromyalgia, is overwhelming. What I have described, is what I feel connects these syndromes to a form of adrenal fatigue.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving went pretty well, it involved a lot of driving back and forth to Kingston for me, but that's alright. The kids were at their dad's house for the day so after Thanksgiving we headed back up to Kingston for the weekend. It was good to spend time with family and friends. Above is a picture with Hailey and Will with Grandpa Jay, and the other is the kids and I at our home.

I'm having issues with decision making now. I thought I had my mind set on selling and moving, but family is getting after me and I'm second guessing my decision, only a bit though. I need to pray more about it. It really brings to my attention how I'm different then my family in many ways, different then many average Americans in that case. I'm not willing to be a slave to a job, just so I can accumulate more things in life. There is sooooo much more to enjoy in life! Like spending time with family, friends, nature, helping out in the community, being a role model for others, and the list goes on.

A great quote I read in a book I'm reading called "Living Simply with Chlidren" by Marie Sherlock says

"the empty space you sometimes feel
can't be filled with 'stuff'.
Love, innternal peace, and compassion
are the only ways to fill it up."

Unfortunately some people don't understand that, and honestly they might not ever "get it". And still others will think you are odd, weird, crazy, etc, to think that way and to go against what the "world" or modern society says and does and keeping up with the Joneses. It's hard to stand against what the world says, and to be set apart. And often time it comes with scurtiny.

"Just wait" is all I have to say!

My new do!

Yes, I chopped it off!!!
I know many of you will be upset that I chopped my long hair, but I did it. I was going to go in for a trim and to add more layers to it, and some long bangs. But I thought "my hair is so long right now, I might as well chop off 10 inches so I can donate it to locks of love, who makes wigs for cancer patients."

So, I just did it. I was in a spontaneous mood.

I like it, and now I don't need as much shampoo and it dries way faster in the morning, as I always seem to be rushing. It's hard to get all three of us, including breakfast, lunch, and bags together and out the door by 7:15 am. Geesh!

And yeah!! it was my first week back that I worked every day this week! I'm doing good. Still in some pain, and I almost didn't make it all the way through this Wednesday again (but I think it's because I worked about 11 hours on Tuesday, I need to stop doing that). But I made it. It's a big accomplishment for me, and it feels really good!

But I am very tired in the evening and try to go to bed shortly after the kids go to bed.

Tomorrow the realtor takes pictures of the house, which means tomorrow I'll be cleaning, and then we're going to Olympia to get storage containers to organize our stuff. fun, fun!

Off to bed for me before I fall asleep typing.

More info about our new rental

Ok, so..... where did I leave off........
50 acres, 7 miles from down town Shelton, 5 miles from work, 5 miles of trails on the property, a stocked trout pond for fishing, a huge rope swing, a fire pit, a fireplace in the living room with a projector screen to watch movies on. Goats, chickens and a huge greenhouse that we can use. '

We're pretty excited! Our house is officially up for sale with a realtor, so we're waiting to see how that goes. The realtors say that houses in our price range are selling, so we'll see. I sure hope it sells fast, but it is a buyers market.

Well, I'm off to purge through some more stuff!

Stay tuned!!

Hold on!! things are coming together fast

Ok, I'm really tired and I just got back from eating at the seafood buffet with Dad and Bonnie and then I soaked in the hot tub, so I'm melting quickly and my bed is calling to me. But I wanted to give you all a quick up date.

We've had a busy last few days. Most of you know that we've been shedding material stuff left and right lately. Oh, it feels sooooooo good! I knew that we were heading for a change, but still didn't know in which direction. Well, things are coming together. This weekend, I had a couple come twice to come look at my house for sale. They have been in Africa for 10 years as missionaries and are now back in the states and want to settle back into Shelton. So that's exciting to have someone so interested inthe house. And we found where we're going to move to. The short of it is that we'l be moving to a 50 acre farm in the Shelton area and living in a home where we are renting a very large room from a family that lives in Seattle. Yes, we've met the family already and they are wonderful people. The house is their get away house, so they are there and use two of the rooms ocasionally on weekends. So then we'd be sharing the kitchen and living area. We only have to pay 400 a month. more later

In the valley for a day!

Well, overall things are going well. I had a little bump in the road on Wednesday afternoon. I was doing ok on Wednesday morning, but soon into my day at work I started feeling terrible. My body was hurting a lot, my motor skills were shutting down, and I was having a hard time walking and thinking straight. I left work around 11:30am, holding back the tears. At least I was thinking enough to ask a friend to follow me home to make sure I got home safely. After looking back I think next time I won't drive at all. It scares me when I'm not functioning all the way, I worry that I'm not paying enough attention to the road. At least I avoid going on the highway and I take a route that allows me to use stop lights. None the less, I shouldn't have been driving.

I was worried that it was the starting of a few days, or weeks of pain again, that's how I felt. But I think with all the work I've been doing on learning how to relax my body and get control over my pain, it really paid off. I was able to breathe my way through and take the focus off my pain and force my whole body to relax. Then I looked inside to see what triggered my pain, which I'm learning is caused by emotions left unchecked.

Well there are a lot of things that COULD have triggered it; including but not limited to: LOTS of stress at work (that's the nature of how it goes); the weather storm that just blew in (yep it effect fibro sufferers, just like people who have arthritis); or it could be the fact that on Tuesday I started trying to workout more then I had been. And working out for me used to mean really pushing myself. But right now I've been limited to moving around in the pool, yoga and other stretching, and light walking.

But on Tuesday I walked on the treadmill at a slightly faster pace then normal for a half hour, and then did the recumbent bike for 10 min, followed by soaking in the hot tub for 30 min. Not much, I know. Maybe the clincher was that in the morning of Wed I did 10 girly, yes I said girly, push ups!! Ok, this is embarrassing for me to admit. Normally (before fibro knocked me down) I would wake up, do 20 regular push ups and then go run, etc. And then throughout the day I would do random 20 push ups. I'll get back to that place, watch me!

Anyways, after a short episode of crying, relaxing, and then talking to one of my difficult clients on the phone about a major issue we were dealing with and confronting it. I was then able to pick up my kids and we all went to the pool and I soaked in the hot tub and stretched my arms and legs. After 10 hours of sleep that night, I went to work the next day able to function at a normal level, although there is some pain, but just normal pain, not teeth clenching pain.
While back at work Thursday I took a look at some of things I wrote down before I left for the day on Wednesday. Yikes! it looked like a 1st grader wrote it!! And the worst thing is that I don't really remember writing it!

Have a great weekend!

Still kicking

Sorry! Computer complications!

I haven't posted for awhile and it's been driving me batty! The computer I use at home has decided to act up on me. Even my computer at work died and they had to get me a knew one, I guess getting back into the roll of things made my computer unhappy. I wore it out! ha ha.

So far what's helped me the best after going back to work has been soaking in the hot tub almost every day after work. I find that it helps my whole body relax and my muscles loosen up. I even had the kids join at the athletic club so they can play in the pool while I soak. With winter here and it getting so dark so early, and don't forget all the RAIN we're having; it makes it hard for the kids to get outside and play. So going to the pool gives them some activity to keep their bodies moving.

Yesterday I even started doing some fast walking on the treadmill and some biking. So far, so good. I've had to work my way up to even doing that without my body tensing up on me.

I've noticed that stress at work triggers my muscles to tense up. I'm also doing a lot of work (including reading, tapes, videos, etc) to learn more about all the emotional connections that send pain throughout your body. The mind/body connection really is amazing! And there is so much to learn out there, many things that doctors are just now figuring out. Well, Socrates knew a lot way back when, but we became so modernized and westernized that we forgot some very basic principals.

Only a few nibbles on the house for sale, nothing promising yet, and no idea what we're going to do if it does sell. We did look at an apartment in town, it would work, but we're not ready. And we're still purging through our "stuff"and getting rid of some of it. It feels good!!

Take care for now!

The little blessings in life

So, as you may already know, last week was my first full week back to work. Which has been pretty hard for me and sometimes taking all I have to push back tears because of pain and frustration. But I love it when God does little things to be there for you. Small and insignificant as they may seem, when you are in a place where everything helps, it sure is a blessing. God is so big, yet is in tune with EVERY detail of ALL of our lives.

You know those daily calendars that have verses on them, and you read one a day. Well my little blessing this past week (and to be specific it started the Friday I went back to work) has been that EVERY quote all week has been about weakness. Imagine that. Some say it's just a coincidence. Well, I know that my Papa in Heaven loves me so much that he would speak to me and show His support for me through a calendar and ministered to my exact need. And remember, I prayed about when to go back to work, and I went back to work sooner then I thought I would. And remember that I had four frustrating days when I was ready to go back to work and there was a hang up with the doctor so I wasn't able to go back until Friday Oct 24th. The timing was in God's hands, I should have never got frustrated. He's knows what's best for me, always.

So I wanted to share a few of those quotes with you. Just imagine feeling the pain I'm feeling, haven been out of work for two months, and going back with the uncertainty if I can even do my job.

"God loves to use weak people. Everyone has weaknesses. In fact, you have a bundle of flaws and imperfections: physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. You may also have uncontrollable circumstances that weaken you, such as financial or relational limitation. The more important issue is what you do with these.
'I am with you; that is all you need. My power shows up best in weak people' -2 Corin 12:9"

"God has a different perspective on your weaknesses. He says 'My thoughts and my ways are higher than yours' (Isaiah 55:9), so he often acts in ways that are opposite of what we expect. We think that God only wants our strengths, but He also wants to use our weaknesses for His glory."

I'll add some more of them tonight. Lunch break is over :)

Playing in the rain today!

After all the fun and the wet clothes were in the washer, we were sitting at the table for dinner and both kids said "this was the best day ever!" I asked why, and they said it was because of stomping in the puddles. So..... Let your kids be kids and stomp in the puddles and enjoy rainbows. And get outside end be a kid too! I'm saying that to myself as much as I'm saying it for others. It may just be "the best day ever!"

Simplifying.......stress and ease vs. investment

Ok, I could probably write close to a novel on this subject, if I had the time and energy. But for now I'll try to keep it short and pertinent to my situation, because that's what I'm focused on right now.

If you've been reading my blogs you've heard me talk recently about downsizing, simplifying, and perhaps moving. All these options and choices have been rolling around my brain and I've been exploring the options available out there. So for the quick up-date...my house is up for sale (by owner), I'm daily watching craigslist for travel trailers for us to buy and move into, looking as to where we can "park" it and the costs involved in doing so. We've also stared looking into the option of renting an apartment locally, which is proving to be interestingly good so far. Simple, no yard, no utilities to pay, no house to fix and upkeep. The negative side, no investment.

The dilemma I run into is the responsible part of me that wants to make a good financial decision. We all know the housing market stinks right now, and I'm not too confident it will come back up for awhile. But then again some decisions are not made based on financial choices. So, if I rent a place I will be saving roughly $500 per month, which is $6000 a year. So, If I held onto my house, and trusting that the market will go up in the next two years, then the value of my house will increase more then the $6000 per year I would save if I were renting. Of course these figures are not including the cost and time put into home improvements.

But the catch is, I need to be living with less stress and more freedom with my finances on a month-to-month bases so I don't have to work quite as much during the school breaks. And this 1935 house is a stress and a sucker on money. The ultimate goal is less stress, so that fact does outweigh the money part.

Feel free to post comments or to e-mail me with ideas, questions, comments on our transition, etc.

Some things I'm learning

I know I'm stubborn, it's really not always a bad thing. There are times when it's really paid off to be stubborn. But there are also times when stubbornness and pride run together and then it causes problem in my heart. I wish it were easy to just let go of that ego part of me. At least I think it's easier for me then some other people. Thank God! I'm not sure why I'm even rambling about this right now, but I just felt like it.

I feel that because of my dealing with a "chronic illness" it has really helped me learn to appreciate things more. And it has also made me think a lot about the definition of happiness. The funny thing is that everyone has a different and unique expression, desire, definition and vision of how happiness looks for them. I think people's definition of happiness is a fluid idea that tends to change over time, so I don't quite yet know what it is for me, but I'm working on finding that one out. I know for sure that happiness for me is NOT money, or fancy things, or expensive jewelry, or a big house, or a nice car, or a fat bank account.

I suppose it's easier to list things that make you happy, and then you're a little closer to figuring out what happiness is for you. And the neat thing is that when you find what makes you happy, you also find your priorities in life. Isn't that how it should be?

I'm happy when......

I spend creative time with my kids

I read a good book

I go on a hike outside with family or friends

I spend time with my family

eat popcorn on the hide-a-bed cuddled up with my kids

I read to my kids and they don't want me to stop

I stop thinking about what has to be done and I just play

I go sledding on a good hill covered with good snow

Ok, I started this post with something about me being stubborn, and I totally got sidetracked. Oh, well. Anyways, I think through all this "stuff" (which right now is serving as a nicer word then shit) I've been dealing with, I think I'm becoming less stubborn.

Pain up-date today: mild joint pain throughout my whole body, and moderate muscle pain in my hands, arms, shoulders, jaw, and hamstrings.

I found this and wanted to share it with you

For those who know me, it sort of hits the nail on the head doesn't it?

For those suffering with fibromyalgia, there is hope, and I too challenge the medical community about the causes and cures for fibromyalgia.


http://gailbongalis.wordpress.com/2008/05/02/fibromyalgia-cure/

A quick update

Just a quick up-date. Today was my second day back to work. I'm trying to easy into things, not easy to do when I have multiple homeless kids to figure things out for, parents who are getting evicted or need their lights turned back on, teens with court, and teens that are getting kicked out. (Just a typical day for me) Stress? Who would think?

But two days in and I'm doing OK. About half way through the day my hands and arms really start to hurt. I've been trying to use them as little as possible, and a try to carry a light bag with me to put papers in, even if it's not much, it's the gripping action that seems to aggravate my hands.

I also went to the chiropractor today and he recommended that we experiment and I try to do some light hand exercises to strengthen them, and see if it gets better or worse after some light exercise. So... we'll see. And since I haen't been able to go to Raymond for the neuro-muscular therapy I think I'm going to try to go to a local acupuncturist to help with the pain.

Well, I'm tired and I want to go to bed. Tonight's my kid free evening, so I'm going to spend it well. Sleeping!!

Go fingers, go!

That's me telling my fingers to go. I'm sitting here fighting with my eyelids to stay open and my fingers to type. All because I want to let you all know that today was my first day back at work. I did end up leaving about an hour early, but I made it through. Now I'm really glad I went back on a Friday, because now I have all weekend to relax!

It went pretty well. Lot's of students and teachers asking me lots of questions. But I also got a lot of hugs. It's nice to be missed. Today I only got as far as organizing paperwork that I had shoved into my desk the last day I worked, and going through lots of e-mails. My hands and arms hurt from doing all that, but it's bearable. I did get pretty tired in the afternoon, hence the need for a nap right now before the kids come home from their friends house and fishing.

So I'll close with a nod of my head and a final lift of my eyelids.

Have a great weekend!!

tiny houses and pumpkins

I'm not the only one......see


http://tinyhouseblog.com/tiny-house/downsizing-to-100-square-feet/

Here are a few pictures from last weekend.

Back to work.......not yet

And what do I have to say about that?......."aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!" All it's doing is stressing me out more, which is NOT what I need at this point. Yep, I'm still waiting for the doctor's signature, and I've either called or went down to their office every day since Thursday last week. How long does it take to sign a paper?

Other then that, things are ok, (ok for me at this point means bad for most people, but I deal with it). I still have a lot of pain, but I can walk normal. I'm not nearly as tired with the chronic fatigue as I was before, so I'm able to function at a somewhat normal pace, as long as it doesn't involve physical work, or walking, or working with my hands, oh ya, or lifting things.

So where am I with my recent train of thought?
Well, I'm glad you asked, and I am open for ideas, comments, etc. I figured that 50% of my income is going towards my house, so I'm really a slave to my house. The kids and I really don't need all this room. I've been looking at travel trailers on craigslist and there are a lot for sale that are pretty big. I think there are a lot of people who are wanting to sell things to pay other bills, so if I can benefit from it, yahoo! So if I were able to buy a travel trailer, and then find someone who is willing to let the kids and I park it on their property for awhile, we would be able to simplify and save money. I would need water at the least, and then we can use a compost toilet, and a small generator to charge the battery. Very doable. Four of us lived in 24 foot trailer for about 5 months, and it wasn't bad.

Even if I am able to resume my normal job and normal working hours, then I'd be able to save for awhile for some property and build an off-the-grid home. And with the uncertainty of working with fibromyalgia, when I do have to take some time off, it won't hit us so hard. And with the flexibility of my job, if I didn't have the housing costs to pay, then I could take more time off during spring/winter/summer break so I don't have to pay for the kids to go to daycare.

So, the way I look at it, whichever direction things go with me and this "illness" selling my house and living simpler will have a benefit in all directions. Sadly enough most of it comes down to financial stuff, I sure hate that my life is forced to revolve so much around those issues. Last time I checked happiness doesn't revolve around how much money we have or how nice our house is.

So there's my latest ranting/thinking.

Enjoy your painfree day! (No I'm not bitter, ok, well, sometimes) Don't take your health for granted, I know I did! :)

Confessions of an overacheiver.

First let me start with a great quote I read today by Mary Anne Radmacher

"Courage does not always roar.

Sometimes it is a quiet voice

at the end of the day saying......

'I will try again tomorrow."

Ok, I admit it...... I'm a little scared about going back to work. There, I said it.

I'm scared I won't be able to keep up at the "work horse" pace I previously had. The only thing I can do about it is to stay positive, not expect the same level of achievement I previously had, pace myself, and be realistic. Not that I would ever in my life be a slacker, but I do set high expectations for myself, and people know me to be a hard worker. I'm positive I can still get my job done without running me down into a bad place again. The biggest change will be in my own expectations and attitude. Which reminds me of another great quote....(can you tell I was looking through my quote book this morning?)

"Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right"

Simply put, our attitude that goes towards what we do really makes a big impact on the outcome.

Have a wonderful day!

"One change makes way for the next, giving us the opportunity to grow." -Vivian Buchen

"When you can't change the direction of the wind, change your sails."- Max Depree

A Frustrating Day

Oh yeah, rain again, and I say that in the most blaza way possible. I don't usually not like rain, but when the change of weather means pain for me, well, I just don't like it.


But the main reason I got frustrated today is because I got an e-mail from the district (my work) that (in bold print) I am not allowed to come back to work with out a note from my doctor. Grrrr! So I call the doctor today to try to weasel out a note as soon as I can so I can get back to work by Monday. He's gone on vacation! Wouldn't that be nice. I find myself telling the receptionist that I'd like to get the note as soon as he comes back on Monday, I'll even drive to Olympia to pick it up by hand. But it also slips out that "I think I can go back to work, but I won't really know unless I try, plus I NEED to go back to work, I have bills to pay". Opps, I hope she doesn't pass that on to the doctor.


I still hurt some days more then others, but I need to go back to work. You know how that goes, bills, mortgage, kids. Oh yeah, food, gas, etc.......I'm feeling like a slave to my job right now (even though I'm not working) and the master is my home. Not a good thing when you think about it. About 50% of my income goes towards my house and home utilities. Hmmmm?

On a good note, I made a really yummy dinner tonight, I've included a picture for your culinary delight! Carrot, sprout, salad with sun flower seeds and rasins on top. Seaweed rolls I made with Neat loaf (sprouted buckwheat, vegies and spices) with red peppers, tomatoes, sprouts, and avacado, all wrapped up then cut into rounds. In the cup is slightly warmed homemade cream of broccoli soup. Yummy!

Ok and here are a few pictures of the kiddos, just because I love 'em so!

And some of Will's art work. I like to show off their stuff.

Thanks for reading and following along with my progress. I've found some other great blogs and websites..... to the right ---> Check them out when you get a chance, just some of the cool stuff I browse in my spare time.

Best wishes!

The change of weather

Well, we've had an amazing week with beautiful sunny weather. Cool but beautiful, yesterday was a great day for going on a wagon ride and getting pumpkins out in the pumpkin patch. I forgot to bring my camera, fooy on me!

But, alas, we live in Washington, so the sun never lasts too long, just enough so we appreciate it and don't take it for granted. With more moisture in the air for me it means a bit more joint pain. Even though I had massage therapy and a chiropractor appointment this morning, I'm still felling a bit "oldish". But...the good part, it's not bad enough that I need to use the cane, and it's not even bad enough to make me doubt my decision to go back to work next week. Yeah!! I'm excited to get back into the swing of things.

Today I busy making raw tortillas and a burrito filling for dinner tonight and maybe a yummy strawberry pudding parfait for dessert. Of course it's raw vegan, but still oh so yummy! So my goal of going 80% raw isn't sticking. I'm 99% raw and loving the extra energy I have, plus the clearer skin and few extra pounds that have left me.

Going Raw Vegan

Some yummy fruits, vegies, nuts, and sprouts

Some sprouted goodness

Well, what can I say, things are changing in my life. I didn't think something as simple as changing the way I eat could have such a profound impact on my life. My pain is going away, thank God. But I'm noticing other things changing too.

The diet change has had an impact, but I also think it has to do with the life altering, or shall I say life appreciating experience with dealing with the mystery's of fibromyalgia. I now have the urges to clean out a lot of "stuff" in my life, to reorganize, simplify more, enjoy life to the fullest without having stuff around to get in the way.

And the "stuff" I'm talking about doesn't just stop with the physical material stuff. I mean cleaning out my closets of my emotions and trying to be more real about everything, living intentionally. And unclogging my connection, so to speak, to my spiritual life. What's in the way? What's holding me back? What's hindering me?

Don't worry I won't go do anything too drastic, ha ha. But I defiantly feel like I'm on a journey, isn't that how life should be?

So how do you think I'll look with dreadlocks? : ) snicker, snicker

I can just imagine some of your faces now!

Doctor appointment up-dates

Ok, so Monday was an appointment with the neurologist. After poking me with all sorts of things, asking an hour worth of questions, an reviewing my MRI results, the doctor officially ruled out Multiple Sclerosis. Yeah!!

Tuesday I went back to the rheumatologist to go over some more blood test results and to have a follow up. All my test results for other "diseases" came back negative and all my blood cell counts, auto immune deficiencies, etc, came back negative. Whooo, whooo!! I told him all I've been doing differently in the last week and the wonderful results I've had, and we decided that I won't have to come in unless things get bad again.

So, speaking of the different things I've been doing that have wonderfully turned things around so quickly, to the point where I've gone from not walking to wanting to run........ I became what some people term a raw foodist. Which means eating all raw and living foods only. Some might think it's a hard transition to make, but when you have the motivation of poor health and a body that's not functioning properly, then it's easy to make the life style change. When you get the results I've gotten, it will be hard to go back to a diet of cooked, lifeless, foods and vegetables.

The other change I've made, thanks to all the messengers Mom, Les, Dennis, Maggie, Tim, and Cozy in Raymond, is the introduction to Kangen water. Kangen water is a water with a higher pH (8.5-9.5), which makes it more alkaline and balances out your body's pH. After doing research I've learned that a SAD (Standard American Diet) and stress, induces your body to be more acidic. Within three days of drinking the water the cramps in my legs let up, my pain level lowered significantly, and my energy came back.

Because of my insomnia I started working on developing a good evening routine, I'll have to write more later on that subject. Who can pass up ideas for getting a better nights sleep? It helps your whole day go better.

Have a great week!

"Depending on God" written 9/26/08

Depending on God has more to do then just depending on Him to help with your finances, health, happiness, etc. To truly depend on God you have to surrender your plans, your agendas, your thoughts on how you think it should be done. To fully surrender means to let go and trust God to guide you in the right direction. I think I'm starting to get it, I've always "kind-of" got it and I've been thought many times when I know there's no way I could have made it through without God's assistance. Now I'm learning to rest in God's promise that He will ALWAYS be there for us. Asking not just for His assistance, but to depend, lean on, embrace, and trust full heartedly on Him.
When you truly love someone with all your heart you feel safe to just hold on and be lead by them. Like walking blindfolded, you have to really, really trust that person. You trust that no harm will be done to you and you will be safe, and if you fall they will be there to catch you. God doesn't lead in a controlling, demanding, self seeking way. He leads by putting His confidence in you, and by whispering in a small voice

• "yes child, you heard me right, listen to the Holy Spirit. I made the Holy Spirit to guide you. If you continue to strive on your own to find the right path for you, you will only end up with your hands in the air saying "OK, I'm lost Father, I'll listen now" So why not just let Me guide you? I'm always with you. I've been with you from the beginning , and I know where you are heading. Trust in Me. Not with your mind, but with your whole being. Let go of the worlds way of thinking. Walk in My light."

What would it be like to let go of my agendas and plans, and instead open my heart to God (or some people like to say "Universe", but it's God) relax in his presence and pray for guidance for even the small things in life, everything? It would release me of the constant worries of my future. After all, who knows my plans to the very last detail and perfect timing but my Creator? So why is it so hard to just let go and let God lead my everyday life? I want to let go of that control. To stop, ask for guidance, wait and listen. Life will be simpler and full of peace, and I'll be open and exposed to more greatness then I ever thought possible or felt before. For I do not know what each day has in store for me. I think it's time for me to leave the well known trail behind me. Leaving the mundane for the miraculous! God shows us the right path moment by moment. We only need to stay connected to our source, connected to the Holy Spirit, and be open to receive direction from our Master.

What greatness shall I do for You today?

I call this one "A Message from God" 9/26/08

Ok, I'm taking a risk here, letting you know some personal information about me. It's part of my challenge to be more open and sharing. I was a bit nervous about posting the next two things, but as I prayed about it on the paper and asked if I should be sharing it, the answer was "yes". I was to be as transparent as possible, so nothing is hidden. After all our lives are meant to be shared, if we aren't open and honest then how will others be touched or encouraged by us? Thanks again for going through this (dealing with fibromyalgia, which has changed my life) with me.

Ok, so the prelude to this writing is that in the past I have had wonderful words from God and visions after meditating on his words and seeking His guidance. On the day I wrote this I was waiting for a vision because that's just how it normally happens for me. Well, during my prayer time I was "waiting" and nothing. Then stretchhhhhhhhhhh, get outside of my little box. God said that he doesn't always work the same way all the time and I shouldn't expect Him too. "Go sit and write!" I did. So the following is what came out. Then there's a follow up that I'll blog next.

"Dream bigger!!
You don't deserve what I have planned for you, but by grace I give it to you.
You need to shed some excess baggage in your life.
I want you to depend on Me only.
I want you to be desperate for Me.
Wait for My timing.
Don't rush to make plans for the things I have shown you.
You will not be the one doing them, but it will be Me working through you.
Be desperate for ME, be desperate for My love!
I want you, all ALL of you."

Diet changes

I'm going to write more later about what changes I've made in my diet. But for right now I'll give you the short version. I started off by totally cutting out all caffeine and alcohol (although I didn't drink much anyways), and limiting sugars. Then I started using less and less gluten products, including wheat, oats, and corn. And cutting out dairy products, except cheese, which I have in moderation. And now I'm starting to add more and more raw fruits and vegetables. My goal is to be eating about 80% raw foods. They are life giving, not depleted of nutrients by cooking, and really good for a healing body. My energy has improved and I'm not having to wake up evey four hours to take pain medicine just to curb the pain. Sometimes I would wake up and it felt like every bone in my body was broken. Now, when I do get to sleep (I have insomnia) I sleep better and don't have to wake up to take Ibuprofen. So, that's where I'm at. More about eating RAW later.

Fibromyalgia and the vitamins I'm taking

I thought I would share with you all the vitamins I started on shortly after I self diagnosed myself, as it takes 3 months of unceasing pain before doctors will even think of diagnosing fibromyalgia. I'm not one to sit around and wait for doctors. But of course I am working with doctors, I just want to stay as natural as possible.

My reasoning is that the fibromyalgia effects the nerve and muscles. So I researched every vitamin I could find that has to do with nerves, muscle tissue, connective tissues, tendon and ligaments. And since your cells are constantly dieing and being replaced, I want the cells that are being remade to be as healthy as possible. And my flare ups have been more tolerable.

So here they are. I hope maybe it can help others who are suffering with fibromyalgia also.

CoQ10-All around good stuff, helps support heart function
Glucosamine and Chondroitin complex- provides the building blocks for healthy cartilage and joints
Chromium Picolinate-Metabolism support
Potassium- Heart and circulation
Vitamin C- essential for formation of body protein and for building sound bones, teeth, skin, cartilage, and capillaries
Vitamin B Complex- mostly B3, B6, B12, For energy and nerves
Magnesium with zinc- vital for healthy bone mass and by activating crucial enzymes
Acidophilus- to put friendly bacteria into the intestinal tract (I also now have IBS) so this helps
Malic Acid-bonds with calcium and magnesium to improve absorption
MSM-promotes collagen development for healthy joints
Calcium citrate plus vitamin D- helps build strong bones, also needed at the cellular level to build healthy muscles
L-Formula Lysine- helps in collagen and tissue renewal
5-HTP- wonderful supplement that helps boost serotonin levels (I felt a difference on the first day) It helps your mood by regulating neurotransmitters produced in the body
Phenocane (Curcumin and DLPA)- a natural product that enhances the bodies natural defense mechanisms against inflammation and pain. Helps me not have to take as much Ibuprofen.
Mucinex (guaifenesin) -supposedly helps reverse FM by working at the cellular level to make the trigger mechanism in the mitochondria listen better, instead of continually making ATP.

So.... there you go, that's my concoction.

A video to check out on youtube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYbzUViHs8k

A day to get away. Join me!

Yesterday was a beautiful day, the Olympic Mountains were clear and the sun shone on them, almost as if they were calling to me. I knew of course I wouldn't be able to just go hike up to a local peak, as I usually would do when the mountains called. In this season of my life things are different. I get tired after walking up the stairs from my back yard to my house. Just to get through the basic house keeping is demanding on my body. Ahhh! But I can't ignore the urge to go into the mountains when they call. To ignore would be like denying myself the right to freedom, beauty, and adventure.
So....today I take my time getting going in the morning then I think about the beautiful waterfall at Rocky Brook in Brinnon, WA. Oh, I'm excited just thinking about getting out!! The timing is perfect, I can walk today, Hallelujah!! I have the strength to drive the 50 minutes it takes to get there, and hopefully to get back. And my spirits are high. I pack a picnic lunch, water, journal, reading book, and camera, and set off for a day of relaxation and renewal. I've found that the best thing for a hurt heart or weary soul is to bask in God's creation and soak in His beautiful love. A cure I don't think many people can argue with.
After the drive north on 101, I pull off the road onto an unmarked pullout and a wide smile crosses my face. Rocky Brook has been a favorite spot of mine every sense my grandmother showed it to me about three years ago. Now every time I travel north on 101 I always stop for the short hike. And some days, such as today, I come here as the final destination, rather then a road stop along the way. I often bring friends to share this beautiful spot with, today I come for solitude. Having fibromyalgia has taken a toll on me physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
The hike up to the waterfall is only about 1/4 of a mile and it has a gentle slope, usually the kids and I run up it. Today I take my time and watch my step, every change of pitch on my feet sends shooting pains up into my legs. (And remember, this is a "good" day.) But the splendor is worth every pain and throb. I may even physically hurt tomorrow because of my "adventure" today, but I know it will be good for me spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, which I've come to learn are more important then your physical strength.
I get up to where the trail ends and maneuver myself slowly over and through the large boulders to get to the bottom of the waterfall. Every step hurts but I keep my gaze focused forward to a large flat rock where I intend to perch for the next few hours. I set up "base camp" on the large rock, laying out my crazy creek chair, sweater, and bag with lunch, water, book, journal etc. Then I go slowly and cautiously to explore the water's edge and dip my hands into the crisp cold mountain water. Ahhhh! I'm refreshed. The next few hours I spend lounging on the rock and other nearby rocks like a marmot basking in the sun, taking in the beauty of my surroundings and reflecting on life's most precious things.
While rambling through the rocks I almost forgot I was ill. The sound of the constant falling water filled my being to the point where I didn't even think about my stresses involved with having and dealing with fibromyalgia, or what my future has in store. Even the sloppiness of my handwriting, because of lack of hand grip, doesn't bother me.
I wish I could just rent a cabin for the next month. Live in the woods, focus on healing, and get better. I know it's not always realistic to run off for some solitude and escape the worlds demands. I do need to make more of an effort to slow down my normally busy life and seek times for renewal, refreshing and revival. It's so important for the soul.

I sometimes miss and reminisc about the days when I was able to spend in the woods. Time in the back country, places where civilization can't get to with their cars or boats. Only the true adventurers make it out there, the ones who have to make a recognizable effort to get out and away. But yet I realize that not everyone desires to have solitude time, or maybe they're just satisfied with getting lost in a book or spending an evening alone. Not me. My spirit yearns for more!!

Fibromyalgia Venting, written 9/25/08

Sufferings

I feel like I’m silently suffering, trying not to let others know how badly I’m hurting. But in my head I struggle to grasp the reality that there is so much I can’t do and can’t accomplish at this time. The pain boils over as tears when no one is watching.

The pain pierces through me like waves of electricity, shocking my being into submission. I have no choice but to submit to the pain, to the fears. I’m humiliated by my circumstance.

I cry out not because of the intense pain, nor the lack of muscle control and coordination. I cry because of the unknown outcome of my earthly life. I cry because I’m scared. Will I ever be the same again? Am I losing part of who I am?

I have never felt so alone, yet so cared for by others. A lesson to be learned. I yearn to feel truly and deeply loved, to feel supported and safe. Yet I fear I’ll become needy. I push my needs aside to focus on healing. Is there more then the physical that needs healing?

They ask, “What can I do?” There is nothing anyone can do; even the doctors seem useless and incapable of even compassion. It’s out of ALL of our hands, only our Heavenly Father holds the remedy to my ailment.

I don’t ask why this was brought to me. I only ask, “Abba, what do I need to learn from this circumstance, this bump in the road? What do I need to do to get through this anguish?” Am I to drop to my knees in total surrender? Remake my life, my goals, and my plans? It seems so much to ask from someone who has already endured so many hurts. I thought I was on the right path.

A thief came in the night and stole it from me! Robbing me of my dignity, pride, independence, and spark. I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t entice it with an open window!
I want my life back!