Some things I'm learning

I know I'm stubborn, it's really not always a bad thing. There are times when it's really paid off to be stubborn. But there are also times when stubbornness and pride run together and then it causes problem in my heart. I wish it were easy to just let go of that ego part of me. At least I think it's easier for me then some other people. Thank God! I'm not sure why I'm even rambling about this right now, but I just felt like it.

I feel that because of my dealing with a "chronic illness" it has really helped me learn to appreciate things more. And it has also made me think a lot about the definition of happiness. The funny thing is that everyone has a different and unique expression, desire, definition and vision of how happiness looks for them. I think people's definition of happiness is a fluid idea that tends to change over time, so I don't quite yet know what it is for me, but I'm working on finding that one out. I know for sure that happiness for me is NOT money, or fancy things, or expensive jewelry, or a big house, or a nice car, or a fat bank account.

I suppose it's easier to list things that make you happy, and then you're a little closer to figuring out what happiness is for you. And the neat thing is that when you find what makes you happy, you also find your priorities in life. Isn't that how it should be?

I'm happy when......

I spend creative time with my kids

I read a good book

I go on a hike outside with family or friends

I spend time with my family

eat popcorn on the hide-a-bed cuddled up with my kids

I read to my kids and they don't want me to stop

I stop thinking about what has to be done and I just play

I go sledding on a good hill covered with good snow

Ok, I started this post with something about me being stubborn, and I totally got sidetracked. Oh, well. Anyways, I think through all this "stuff" (which right now is serving as a nicer word then shit) I've been dealing with, I think I'm becoming less stubborn.

Pain up-date today: mild joint pain throughout my whole body, and moderate muscle pain in my hands, arms, shoulders, jaw, and hamstrings.

I found this and wanted to share it with you

For those who know me, it sort of hits the nail on the head doesn't it?

For those suffering with fibromyalgia, there is hope, and I too challenge the medical community about the causes and cures for fibromyalgia.


http://gailbongalis.wordpress.com/2008/05/02/fibromyalgia-cure/

A quick update

Just a quick up-date. Today was my second day back to work. I'm trying to easy into things, not easy to do when I have multiple homeless kids to figure things out for, parents who are getting evicted or need their lights turned back on, teens with court, and teens that are getting kicked out. (Just a typical day for me) Stress? Who would think?

But two days in and I'm doing OK. About half way through the day my hands and arms really start to hurt. I've been trying to use them as little as possible, and a try to carry a light bag with me to put papers in, even if it's not much, it's the gripping action that seems to aggravate my hands.

I also went to the chiropractor today and he recommended that we experiment and I try to do some light hand exercises to strengthen them, and see if it gets better or worse after some light exercise. So... we'll see. And since I haen't been able to go to Raymond for the neuro-muscular therapy I think I'm going to try to go to a local acupuncturist to help with the pain.

Well, I'm tired and I want to go to bed. Tonight's my kid free evening, so I'm going to spend it well. Sleeping!!

Go fingers, go!

That's me telling my fingers to go. I'm sitting here fighting with my eyelids to stay open and my fingers to type. All because I want to let you all know that today was my first day back at work. I did end up leaving about an hour early, but I made it through. Now I'm really glad I went back on a Friday, because now I have all weekend to relax!

It went pretty well. Lot's of students and teachers asking me lots of questions. But I also got a lot of hugs. It's nice to be missed. Today I only got as far as organizing paperwork that I had shoved into my desk the last day I worked, and going through lots of e-mails. My hands and arms hurt from doing all that, but it's bearable. I did get pretty tired in the afternoon, hence the need for a nap right now before the kids come home from their friends house and fishing.

So I'll close with a nod of my head and a final lift of my eyelids.

Have a great weekend!!

tiny houses and pumpkins

I'm not the only one......see


http://tinyhouseblog.com/tiny-house/downsizing-to-100-square-feet/

Here are a few pictures from last weekend.

Back to work.......not yet

And what do I have to say about that?......."aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!" All it's doing is stressing me out more, which is NOT what I need at this point. Yep, I'm still waiting for the doctor's signature, and I've either called or went down to their office every day since Thursday last week. How long does it take to sign a paper?

Other then that, things are ok, (ok for me at this point means bad for most people, but I deal with it). I still have a lot of pain, but I can walk normal. I'm not nearly as tired with the chronic fatigue as I was before, so I'm able to function at a somewhat normal pace, as long as it doesn't involve physical work, or walking, or working with my hands, oh ya, or lifting things.

So where am I with my recent train of thought?
Well, I'm glad you asked, and I am open for ideas, comments, etc. I figured that 50% of my income is going towards my house, so I'm really a slave to my house. The kids and I really don't need all this room. I've been looking at travel trailers on craigslist and there are a lot for sale that are pretty big. I think there are a lot of people who are wanting to sell things to pay other bills, so if I can benefit from it, yahoo! So if I were able to buy a travel trailer, and then find someone who is willing to let the kids and I park it on their property for awhile, we would be able to simplify and save money. I would need water at the least, and then we can use a compost toilet, and a small generator to charge the battery. Very doable. Four of us lived in 24 foot trailer for about 5 months, and it wasn't bad.

Even if I am able to resume my normal job and normal working hours, then I'd be able to save for awhile for some property and build an off-the-grid home. And with the uncertainty of working with fibromyalgia, when I do have to take some time off, it won't hit us so hard. And with the flexibility of my job, if I didn't have the housing costs to pay, then I could take more time off during spring/winter/summer break so I don't have to pay for the kids to go to daycare.

So, the way I look at it, whichever direction things go with me and this "illness" selling my house and living simpler will have a benefit in all directions. Sadly enough most of it comes down to financial stuff, I sure hate that my life is forced to revolve so much around those issues. Last time I checked happiness doesn't revolve around how much money we have or how nice our house is.

So there's my latest ranting/thinking.

Enjoy your painfree day! (No I'm not bitter, ok, well, sometimes) Don't take your health for granted, I know I did! :)

Confessions of an overacheiver.

First let me start with a great quote I read today by Mary Anne Radmacher

"Courage does not always roar.

Sometimes it is a quiet voice

at the end of the day saying......

'I will try again tomorrow."

Ok, I admit it...... I'm a little scared about going back to work. There, I said it.

I'm scared I won't be able to keep up at the "work horse" pace I previously had. The only thing I can do about it is to stay positive, not expect the same level of achievement I previously had, pace myself, and be realistic. Not that I would ever in my life be a slacker, but I do set high expectations for myself, and people know me to be a hard worker. I'm positive I can still get my job done without running me down into a bad place again. The biggest change will be in my own expectations and attitude. Which reminds me of another great quote....(can you tell I was looking through my quote book this morning?)

"Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right"

Simply put, our attitude that goes towards what we do really makes a big impact on the outcome.

Have a wonderful day!

"One change makes way for the next, giving us the opportunity to grow." -Vivian Buchen

"When you can't change the direction of the wind, change your sails."- Max Depree

A Frustrating Day

Oh yeah, rain again, and I say that in the most blaza way possible. I don't usually not like rain, but when the change of weather means pain for me, well, I just don't like it.


But the main reason I got frustrated today is because I got an e-mail from the district (my work) that (in bold print) I am not allowed to come back to work with out a note from my doctor. Grrrr! So I call the doctor today to try to weasel out a note as soon as I can so I can get back to work by Monday. He's gone on vacation! Wouldn't that be nice. I find myself telling the receptionist that I'd like to get the note as soon as he comes back on Monday, I'll even drive to Olympia to pick it up by hand. But it also slips out that "I think I can go back to work, but I won't really know unless I try, plus I NEED to go back to work, I have bills to pay". Opps, I hope she doesn't pass that on to the doctor.


I still hurt some days more then others, but I need to go back to work. You know how that goes, bills, mortgage, kids. Oh yeah, food, gas, etc.......I'm feeling like a slave to my job right now (even though I'm not working) and the master is my home. Not a good thing when you think about it. About 50% of my income goes towards my house and home utilities. Hmmmm?

On a good note, I made a really yummy dinner tonight, I've included a picture for your culinary delight! Carrot, sprout, salad with sun flower seeds and rasins on top. Seaweed rolls I made with Neat loaf (sprouted buckwheat, vegies and spices) with red peppers, tomatoes, sprouts, and avacado, all wrapped up then cut into rounds. In the cup is slightly warmed homemade cream of broccoli soup. Yummy!

Ok and here are a few pictures of the kiddos, just because I love 'em so!

And some of Will's art work. I like to show off their stuff.

Thanks for reading and following along with my progress. I've found some other great blogs and websites..... to the right ---> Check them out when you get a chance, just some of the cool stuff I browse in my spare time.

Best wishes!

The change of weather

Well, we've had an amazing week with beautiful sunny weather. Cool but beautiful, yesterday was a great day for going on a wagon ride and getting pumpkins out in the pumpkin patch. I forgot to bring my camera, fooy on me!

But, alas, we live in Washington, so the sun never lasts too long, just enough so we appreciate it and don't take it for granted. With more moisture in the air for me it means a bit more joint pain. Even though I had massage therapy and a chiropractor appointment this morning, I'm still felling a bit "oldish". But...the good part, it's not bad enough that I need to use the cane, and it's not even bad enough to make me doubt my decision to go back to work next week. Yeah!! I'm excited to get back into the swing of things.

Today I busy making raw tortillas and a burrito filling for dinner tonight and maybe a yummy strawberry pudding parfait for dessert. Of course it's raw vegan, but still oh so yummy! So my goal of going 80% raw isn't sticking. I'm 99% raw and loving the extra energy I have, plus the clearer skin and few extra pounds that have left me.

Going Raw Vegan

Some yummy fruits, vegies, nuts, and sprouts

Some sprouted goodness

Well, what can I say, things are changing in my life. I didn't think something as simple as changing the way I eat could have such a profound impact on my life. My pain is going away, thank God. But I'm noticing other things changing too.

The diet change has had an impact, but I also think it has to do with the life altering, or shall I say life appreciating experience with dealing with the mystery's of fibromyalgia. I now have the urges to clean out a lot of "stuff" in my life, to reorganize, simplify more, enjoy life to the fullest without having stuff around to get in the way.

And the "stuff" I'm talking about doesn't just stop with the physical material stuff. I mean cleaning out my closets of my emotions and trying to be more real about everything, living intentionally. And unclogging my connection, so to speak, to my spiritual life. What's in the way? What's holding me back? What's hindering me?

Don't worry I won't go do anything too drastic, ha ha. But I defiantly feel like I'm on a journey, isn't that how life should be?

So how do you think I'll look with dreadlocks? : ) snicker, snicker

I can just imagine some of your faces now!

Doctor appointment up-dates

Ok, so Monday was an appointment with the neurologist. After poking me with all sorts of things, asking an hour worth of questions, an reviewing my MRI results, the doctor officially ruled out Multiple Sclerosis. Yeah!!

Tuesday I went back to the rheumatologist to go over some more blood test results and to have a follow up. All my test results for other "diseases" came back negative and all my blood cell counts, auto immune deficiencies, etc, came back negative. Whooo, whooo!! I told him all I've been doing differently in the last week and the wonderful results I've had, and we decided that I won't have to come in unless things get bad again.

So, speaking of the different things I've been doing that have wonderfully turned things around so quickly, to the point where I've gone from not walking to wanting to run........ I became what some people term a raw foodist. Which means eating all raw and living foods only. Some might think it's a hard transition to make, but when you have the motivation of poor health and a body that's not functioning properly, then it's easy to make the life style change. When you get the results I've gotten, it will be hard to go back to a diet of cooked, lifeless, foods and vegetables.

The other change I've made, thanks to all the messengers Mom, Les, Dennis, Maggie, Tim, and Cozy in Raymond, is the introduction to Kangen water. Kangen water is a water with a higher pH (8.5-9.5), which makes it more alkaline and balances out your body's pH. After doing research I've learned that a SAD (Standard American Diet) and stress, induces your body to be more acidic. Within three days of drinking the water the cramps in my legs let up, my pain level lowered significantly, and my energy came back.

Because of my insomnia I started working on developing a good evening routine, I'll have to write more later on that subject. Who can pass up ideas for getting a better nights sleep? It helps your whole day go better.

Have a great week!

"Depending on God" written 9/26/08

Depending on God has more to do then just depending on Him to help with your finances, health, happiness, etc. To truly depend on God you have to surrender your plans, your agendas, your thoughts on how you think it should be done. To fully surrender means to let go and trust God to guide you in the right direction. I think I'm starting to get it, I've always "kind-of" got it and I've been thought many times when I know there's no way I could have made it through without God's assistance. Now I'm learning to rest in God's promise that He will ALWAYS be there for us. Asking not just for His assistance, but to depend, lean on, embrace, and trust full heartedly on Him.
When you truly love someone with all your heart you feel safe to just hold on and be lead by them. Like walking blindfolded, you have to really, really trust that person. You trust that no harm will be done to you and you will be safe, and if you fall they will be there to catch you. God doesn't lead in a controlling, demanding, self seeking way. He leads by putting His confidence in you, and by whispering in a small voice

• "yes child, you heard me right, listen to the Holy Spirit. I made the Holy Spirit to guide you. If you continue to strive on your own to find the right path for you, you will only end up with your hands in the air saying "OK, I'm lost Father, I'll listen now" So why not just let Me guide you? I'm always with you. I've been with you from the beginning , and I know where you are heading. Trust in Me. Not with your mind, but with your whole being. Let go of the worlds way of thinking. Walk in My light."

What would it be like to let go of my agendas and plans, and instead open my heart to God (or some people like to say "Universe", but it's God) relax in his presence and pray for guidance for even the small things in life, everything? It would release me of the constant worries of my future. After all, who knows my plans to the very last detail and perfect timing but my Creator? So why is it so hard to just let go and let God lead my everyday life? I want to let go of that control. To stop, ask for guidance, wait and listen. Life will be simpler and full of peace, and I'll be open and exposed to more greatness then I ever thought possible or felt before. For I do not know what each day has in store for me. I think it's time for me to leave the well known trail behind me. Leaving the mundane for the miraculous! God shows us the right path moment by moment. We only need to stay connected to our source, connected to the Holy Spirit, and be open to receive direction from our Master.

What greatness shall I do for You today?

I call this one "A Message from God" 9/26/08

Ok, I'm taking a risk here, letting you know some personal information about me. It's part of my challenge to be more open and sharing. I was a bit nervous about posting the next two things, but as I prayed about it on the paper and asked if I should be sharing it, the answer was "yes". I was to be as transparent as possible, so nothing is hidden. After all our lives are meant to be shared, if we aren't open and honest then how will others be touched or encouraged by us? Thanks again for going through this (dealing with fibromyalgia, which has changed my life) with me.

Ok, so the prelude to this writing is that in the past I have had wonderful words from God and visions after meditating on his words and seeking His guidance. On the day I wrote this I was waiting for a vision because that's just how it normally happens for me. Well, during my prayer time I was "waiting" and nothing. Then stretchhhhhhhhhhh, get outside of my little box. God said that he doesn't always work the same way all the time and I shouldn't expect Him too. "Go sit and write!" I did. So the following is what came out. Then there's a follow up that I'll blog next.

"Dream bigger!!
You don't deserve what I have planned for you, but by grace I give it to you.
You need to shed some excess baggage in your life.
I want you to depend on Me only.
I want you to be desperate for Me.
Wait for My timing.
Don't rush to make plans for the things I have shown you.
You will not be the one doing them, but it will be Me working through you.
Be desperate for ME, be desperate for My love!
I want you, all ALL of you."